HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOELLE

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY! You are precious my little lovie! I wish I could see you and spend more time with you, but I really love our video chats! I can't wait until Thanksgiving to hold you and love on you! I know the Lord has some pretty amazing plans for your life! I can't wait to watch them unfold! Love you always! Nonnie

"no body said it was easy"

I really love the song that is the title of this post.  I love the piano, the beat, and the lyrics.  I feel like my life the past few weeks could be summed up with "no body said it was easy."  The crazy thing is is I can't really pinpoint what's going on. I was reading a blog earlier this evening, my typical nightly ritual, and the author posted about being in a waiting room.  Not a literal waiting room, but talking about the way you feel in a waiting room.  Something resonated with me when I read that blog.  I feel like right now I am in a waiting room.  I am not sure what type of room I am waiting in, but I feel like I am waiting.  There is music quietly playing, magazines to be read and I am anxiously waiting for my name to be called. That's the point right?  No one sits in the waiting room for the music or the magazines. We go there for a reason, a purpose. And we're all just waiting for our named to be called.  So thinking along those lines (apologizing in advance for ramblings... thinking out loud) what if we're too distracted or too busy with all the things around us to hear our names.  What if the time that we're in the waiting room could have been shortened if we had simply been listening to the One calling our name.  Man, that hits hard.  I have such a difficult time just listening.  I am constantly involved with something.  Looking at my schedule for the next week or so, I am not surprised to see that EVERY night has something planned.   That's how I do things. Fill my schedule to overflowing and then long for some down time.  Then when I have not much going on, I want to be busy. Something doesn't seem right.  I am never content with just waiting and listening.  I am in search for the fastest way to an end.  So then I wonder, what am I missing because I don't listen.  It has become about me me me. Things I want to do, need to do, have to do. And has little to do with His plan. His calling. His purpose for me. 

So while I am in this waiting room, waiting for? I will wait.  God is doing some big things in my heart right now.  And while I wait for Him to reveal those things to me, I will love Him with everything I have.  I will put down the distractions, and run to Him. 

He is the One who will be calling my name. 

So until then. 

I will wait.

What are you doing?

facebook fast and update

so I am addicted to facebook. there it is. I just layed it out there for everyone to know. I can spend countless hours on there chatting, looking at pictures, uploading new pictures, and just checking in on people. my friend list is extensive and sometimes it's the only form of communication I use with quite a few people... sad, i know.  My dear roommate, Laci, has challenged me to fast from using facebook. When she first mentioned the idea I had a mild panic attack. How will I connect with new people from church? How will I know what's going on? How can I see how everyone is doing? Clearly, a little over dramatic. She then said it didn't have to be forever, whew, but still. My reaction really shows how much of myself I invest in an online world.  I do add new people from the church to my friend list and chat with them, but I can do that through email, or better yet, maybe a phone call.  I have allowed myself to become dependent on facebook.  As I write that it seems a bit bizarre, but it's so the truth. I wake up, get ready for work, check facebook. Come home grab my computer, check facebook and spend too much time on there. Have dinner, check facebook, get ready for bed, check facebook... You get the point.  My room is a disaster, I have pictures to edit, I have coffee dates to schedule, a yard that needs tending to, a ministry I'm in charge of that hasn't taken priority.  There are things I need to be doing, but I am not doing them because my time isn't being used wisely.  So goodbye facebook for at least a week. 

Life has been a bit of a whirlwind lately. This summer has flown by. I have met some amazing  people that started coming to Ephesus.  God has blessed me with an insane amount of great friends. Janet and Seth are now married. It's all going well. 

I have been thinking a lot lately about being pure in heart.  Here recently I've become more and more aware of just how ugly my heart is.  Gosh, sometimes my flesh can just start going and going and going and my heart gets so ugly.  I get frustrated and annoyed and just pissed at every little thing.  Then I realize that I am letting my flesh win.  I am reminded daily how much I need a Savior. I cannot imagine my life without Jesus. But so many times I go through life thinking I have it all under control and life is peachy and things are going well and WAM a major "flesh flash" happens and I am like, whoa, that was ugly.  Has that ever happened to you?  I am in desperate need Jesus every single day. Every single moment I am living and have the chance to think.  My flesh gets in the way so many times and I struggle daily to "die to my flesh." What does that even look like? I think it all begins when realizing you are nothing without Jesus.  We have nothing, are nothing, and can be nothing without Him.  He is it.   

A little piece of my heart is gone...

Today a little piece of my heart got on a plane for Mexico, and I am not sure I will ever see her again.  Sometime between November and April 23rd this little girl won me over and my heart will never be the same.  Her story is heart breaking, her smile heart warming and her laugh just precious.  To her I was her teacher. I would like to think I was her friend too, well as much of a friend as possible when I'm 25 and she's 4. I mean, I cared for her. Loved her more than I can express and really just wanted to bring her home with me. 

She and her parents were in an accident when she was 1 or 2 and both of her parents died.  Knowing that story made me want to love her even more.  I wanted to be more than just her teacher.  I wanted to be someone she will remember forever and think of often in the years to come. I wanted her to see Jesus in me. And now I just keep praying that she finds Him. That she finds the Father.  That she feels loved in Mexico, is taken care of, and has everything she needs.  It breaks my heart that she's gone. I miss her already. 

I'm praying for her. For her safety.  That her heart really does find Jesus so that I can see her again because I'm not sure I will ever see her again on earth.  But thank you Jesus that I can place my hope and trust in Him.  That He knows my little sunshine too and loves her even more than me or her sisters.   That He knows the pain she will experience when she really understands what happened to her parents.  And maybe, just maybe, one day she will look back and remember her time in Pre K and remember me.  I'm selfish in that regard. I want her to remember me. But more than that, I want her to remember how much I really cared and loved her and from that, she somehow saw how much Jesus loves and cares for her.  That's all. 

April Shout Out goes to... Mallory Danielle

What to say, what to say. Mallory is one of my oldest dearest friends. We have known each other for probably 13 years. She is a giver and will give just about anyone anything they need. She is passionate about children, family, and her friends.  We have some of the most random conversations any 2 people can have. She knows all of my crap and still loves me the same. She loves with everything she has and holds nothing back.  Her country accent is amazing and she makes fun of me for losing mine when i came to the city.  Our times together are few, but we can pick up right where we left off.  She is like my sister and I love her very much!

what I LOVE about Charlotte

There are many reasons why I love this city, but these are just a few...

last weekend it was pouring rain, then snow, had a snow day. 

today it's 82 and beautiful outside

we have a really cool uptown theater with love seats

most of my friends are here

EPHESUS CHURCH www.ephesuschurch.tv

east blvd.

big daddy's

big city with a small town feel

Dilworth, Elizabeth, and Southend

Park days

it must be hard to be 4 & 5

Here lately in PreK 2, where I am teaching, the children have been crazy.  I am not sure what has been going on, but every day someone is crying and whining. It must be hard for them with the state of our country and all.  This economic crisis must be keeping them up at night and interrupting their sleep schedules.  The sun must not be shinning enough and the days must be far to cold for pleasant attitudes.  I think that's it.  Our world is in crisis and they must be feeling it too.  One day I looked at them and said... You are making me want to pull my hair out.  They laughed and I told them I was serious and I got some concerned looks and requests not to follow through (I didn't by the way, I wasn't ready for that kind of pain).  I haven't blogged          about my new job, so I thought I would do a little post about a couple of the children that              consume my days and weeks.

First there is little sunshine.  She's my favorite, even though you aren't supposed to have any!  She is so sensitive and ALWAYS gets her feelings hurt.  She cries every time I SHHHH her.  One day she was crying during circle time and I was like L, why are you crying.  She said, you SHHHed me.  I said, who SHHHed you. And she looked at me, pointed and said YOU DID.  It is like that every day.  She has the most precious smile and her little life has already experienced so much tragedy I just want to bring her home with me and love on her.  She used to call me Ms. Alanda and it was so cute.  I wish she didn't figure out how to say my real name! I call her little sunshine because she seems to always frown.  She smiles a lot too, but she has the most serious face that looks like a frown and I can't help but call her sunshine.  She repeatedly tells me her name isn't little sunshine.  Oh, and she has this puffy green coat and when she wears that I call her Marshmallow!! Oh she loves me! 

M is hilarious but can get angry quickly.  We went about a month without any kicking, screaming, hitting and biting.  And quite frankly, it was the most wonderful month ever.  She bit the heck out of me one day.  I pray for her often!  The past couple weeks have been tough for her.  She glares at me if I tell her she can't do something or talks out of turn.  She has the most amazing hair when she wears it down.  I just want to touch it all the time!  She can be super sweet and has a really fun personality.  But when she gets mad... she get REALLY REALLY MAD.

This class is fun.  I am enjoying my time there.  I love being their teacher and watching them learn.  I know the last couple of weeks have been a little rough, but I am believing with the warmer weather also comes more pleasant hearts!  

Happy New Year (a bit late)

Goodbye 2008 Hello 2009.

I spent this new year's eve on the couch with a fever watching some basketball.  It sucked! I have been sick since December 28th, not that I am keeping track or anything.  My lungs have revolted against me and I just can't get rid of this nasty cough.  Turns out bronchitis likes my lungs a little too much and still won't let go... LEAVE please!

I went to a beautiful wedding.  It really was the most beautiful ceremony I have ever been to.  I hope my wedding is like that one day!  Congrats Rachel and CJ.

I pray this year is the best one yet!