"no body said it was easy"

I really love the song that is the title of this post.  I love the piano, the beat, and the lyrics.  I feel like my life the past few weeks could be summed up with "no body said it was easy."  The crazy thing is is I can't really pinpoint what's going on. I was reading a blog earlier this evening, my typical nightly ritual, and the author posted about being in a waiting room.  Not a literal waiting room, but talking about the way you feel in a waiting room.  Something resonated with me when I read that blog.  I feel like right now I am in a waiting room.  I am not sure what type of room I am waiting in, but I feel like I am waiting.  There is music quietly playing, magazines to be read and I am anxiously waiting for my name to be called. That's the point right?  No one sits in the waiting room for the music or the magazines. We go there for a reason, a purpose. And we're all just waiting for our named to be called.  So thinking along those lines (apologizing in advance for ramblings... thinking out loud) what if we're too distracted or too busy with all the things around us to hear our names.  What if the time that we're in the waiting room could have been shortened if we had simply been listening to the One calling our name.  Man, that hits hard.  I have such a difficult time just listening.  I am constantly involved with something.  Looking at my schedule for the next week or so, I am not surprised to see that EVERY night has something planned.   That's how I do things. Fill my schedule to overflowing and then long for some down time.  Then when I have not much going on, I want to be busy. Something doesn't seem right.  I am never content with just waiting and listening.  I am in search for the fastest way to an end.  So then I wonder, what am I missing because I don't listen.  It has become about me me me. Things I want to do, need to do, have to do. And has little to do with His plan. His calling. His purpose for me. 

So while I am in this waiting room, waiting for? I will wait.  God is doing some big things in my heart right now.  And while I wait for Him to reveal those things to me, I will love Him with everything I have.  I will put down the distractions, and run to Him. 

He is the One who will be calling my name. 

So until then. 

I will wait.

What are you doing?

facebook fast and update

so I am addicted to facebook. there it is. I just layed it out there for everyone to know. I can spend countless hours on there chatting, looking at pictures, uploading new pictures, and just checking in on people. my friend list is extensive and sometimes it's the only form of communication I use with quite a few people... sad, i know.  My dear roommate, Laci, has challenged me to fast from using facebook. When she first mentioned the idea I had a mild panic attack. How will I connect with new people from church? How will I know what's going on? How can I see how everyone is doing? Clearly, a little over dramatic. She then said it didn't have to be forever, whew, but still. My reaction really shows how much of myself I invest in an online world.  I do add new people from the church to my friend list and chat with them, but I can do that through email, or better yet, maybe a phone call.  I have allowed myself to become dependent on facebook.  As I write that it seems a bit bizarre, but it's so the truth. I wake up, get ready for work, check facebook. Come home grab my computer, check facebook and spend too much time on there. Have dinner, check facebook, get ready for bed, check facebook... You get the point.  My room is a disaster, I have pictures to edit, I have coffee dates to schedule, a yard that needs tending to, a ministry I'm in charge of that hasn't taken priority.  There are things I need to be doing, but I am not doing them because my time isn't being used wisely.  So goodbye facebook for at least a week. 

Life has been a bit of a whirlwind lately. This summer has flown by. I have met some amazing  people that started coming to Ephesus.  God has blessed me with an insane amount of great friends. Janet and Seth are now married. It's all going well. 

I have been thinking a lot lately about being pure in heart.  Here recently I've become more and more aware of just how ugly my heart is.  Gosh, sometimes my flesh can just start going and going and going and my heart gets so ugly.  I get frustrated and annoyed and just pissed at every little thing.  Then I realize that I am letting my flesh win.  I am reminded daily how much I need a Savior. I cannot imagine my life without Jesus. But so many times I go through life thinking I have it all under control and life is peachy and things are going well and WAM a major "flesh flash" happens and I am like, whoa, that was ugly.  Has that ever happened to you?  I am in desperate need Jesus every single day. Every single moment I am living and have the chance to think.  My flesh gets in the way so many times and I struggle daily to "die to my flesh." What does that even look like? I think it all begins when realizing you are nothing without Jesus.  We have nothing, are nothing, and can be nothing without Him.  He is it.