so it's the first day of december and that means Christmas is a few weeks away along with a brand new year. I don't know if I am ready for Christmas. I have so much to get done and what seems like little time to do it. It seems difficult to be joyful and thankful when I'm running around stressing about what presents I still need to get and what I am actually going to buy. I was watching Miracle on 34th St. (the newer one) last night with my friends emily and janet and I thought to myself... I wish I still believed in Santa. I know that Christmas isn't about Santa but those days were so simple. Heartfelt belief in something that brought so much joy was great. I just wish things were simple. That I could enjoy Christmas with the same excitement and joy that I did as a child. Where did it go? What happened to that? I wish I could find it again... I pray that Jesus helps me find Peace during this season of joy and giving.

So I've been thinking a lot lately about grace. About how it is easier to show some people grace than others. Why is that so? I think about how God has shown me so much grace. He doesn't pick who gets grace and who doesn't. We simply have to ask for it. So why is it so difficult to show grace to someone you know deserves it, yet you can't do it? This is something that I am struggling with.
I HATE holidays! I don't hate why we celebrate, I hate the drama that comes with them. I know that every family has their issues and someone just HAS to bring the drama with them, but I hate it. It is so hard being in a divorced family. You can never seem to make anyone happy and hurting feelings somehow always happens even when you feel you are on your best behavior. Pleasing everyone doesn't happen and then you're left feeling crappy because many expectations are set that you simply can't meet. I dont' wish this on anyone. Maybe one day it will be different... at least I am praying that way.
i hope your thanksgiving was great and uneventful

Lice is gross and nasty

So yeah, this week has been crazy. I am glad that it's over and I only have a couple days of work before I go home for Thanksgiving.
This week one of the children I nanny for had lice. YUCK! And to make a REALLY long story very short I ended up having it to. NASTY! So not only did I have to clean the house I nanny at, I also had to clean my house. Cleaning my house isn't surprising since I am the ONLY one who does. It just added to the frustration. I made a comment to my roommate that if she thought I was anal about being clean before she hasn't seen anything. That just grosses me out. So anyway, my house has been de-licified and i have washed my sheets everyday this week and slept without my pillows. great fun.
Tomorrow I am taking pictures for another family! I am very excited about it and about the place the pictures are being taken!
Noelle, my niece, is doing great. Jon and Deana are doing well too. Experiencing the new parent thing... no sleep. I can't wait to see them for Christmas!
So I am going through the book of 1 Corinthians with my friend Kalle and I am loving it. I am also going through the book of Mark with my Bible Study. It truly is amazing to see how the Lord speaks through scripture to me. I didn't really have a desire to dig into the word like I do now and I think it's because I am trusting the Lord to increase my desire for that and I believe He has. I am understanding the word more and more and pulling things from scripture to apply to my life. I have never been able to do that. I am loving these Bible studies!
Well have a great night!

She's Here!!

My Niece Noelle Annalise was born on Thursday at 7:15 am! She is beautiful and perfect. It's so great watching my brother take on the "daddy" role. He loves that little girl so much it's quite amazing. It's weird for me to think of my brother as a dad. He's going to make a great one, and Deana is going to be a wonderful mommy. She even has red hair! How great is that? I can't wait to meet this precious little person! Well that's all... I just wanted to introduce my niece to those of you who read this blog! have a great day!

counting down days

My brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first child and she will be here any day now!!!!!! I am so very excited about this addition to the family! I can't wait to see what color hair she has and what they name her. What an exciting time in their lives.
I know it's been forever since I wrote last. Life has been crazy and busy and I really just haven't had much to say.
I am going to see the Blue Man Group tonight for Jace's birthday! This is going to be so much fun.
I cleaned the townhouse today. I really enjoy cleaning for some strange reason. i feel a sense of accomplishment once everything is in it's place.
I am really thankful for my friends! God has really blessed me and I am so very thankful!
Well I have to go get a spider man balloon! Have a great night!

asdfjkl;

interesting title... i couldn't think of anything thing else so i simply placed my fingers on the home row keys and made asdfjkl; the title. placing a title on this would require me to somehow stick to the point and since i am not really sure what i would like to type/ramble about i figured that asdfjkl; was perfect.
today was uneventful. a great thing considering the last week has been super busy and each day i leave work with even more sore muscles than the day before. these days not only am i a nanny, i am also an interior decorator, peace keeper, "mom", painter, mover, general contractor, and at this point my list could go on, but for sake of your time i'll stop there. it really has been non-stop. on top of that i haven't felt well all week, so an uneventful day would definitely be something to cheer about.
highlight of my day had to have been when i took cashel down to the park to meet jace (boy i babysit for) for a play date. i see jace's car pull up and cashel is now getting very excited to see his friend. from the top of the hill jace starts yelling "HEY MANA HEY MANA" in those two words he has totally made my day! then he sees me and begins to run towards me. i need to tell you a little about the playground. at this particular playground they don't use wood chips, they decide to use recycled tires to make the surface a little more accident friendly i suppose. well this surface can be rather difficult to run on but jace doesn't care. he is headed towards me (still on the pavement) full speed ahead. as soon as he gets on the tire stuff surface he face dives into it all while still yelling my name. i laughed, got up and ran toward him with him running to me. so much like a movie i almost felt i should have been on camera!
my sister-in-law is about to have her baby! a little girl. they don't have a name picked out and since her friend just had a girl and named her lilly that seems to be out of the picture. CRAP on the friend! i loved that name!! i'm sure the name she gets will be perfect and i will love her no matter what her name is. i am way excited about this. my brother is going to make a great dad and let me just tell you... i'm going to be the BEST aunt ever! i want her to call me nonnie... my friend's little boy calls me that and it's the cutest thing ever!
i'm going to PHILADELPHIA next week and stopping in richmond to see a couple friends from meredith. this trip is going to be great. while i'm there i will be taking my cousin's family portrait. it should be beautiful there. i can't wait!
on a funny note (this post is getting longer and longer and you're still reading!!) at my Bible Study on Wednesday night the leaders challenged us to spend 15 minutes a day for the next week in complete silence. WHOA! 15 whole minutes. we are going through the book of Mark and in Mark 1 Jesus does many great things, but close to the end of the chapter He took time to be alone in the SILENCE. I did my 15 minutes today and yesterday and it was hard. the first day i wrote hoping that it would pass the time and i could get back to listening to music or watching tv. i kept looking at my watch hoping that more than 30 secs had passed! and today, i was in a house that was completely silent and my thoughts were on what type of furniture was coming and where it would need to be placed... not even for my house! literally, that's all i thought about for 15 mins. this should be interesting! i'll keep you posted!
goodnight

times are changing

i'm ready for it to feel like fall. waking up to crisp sunny mornings with a chill in the air. this whole sunny humid weather is getting old, not to mention that my hair doesn't like it either! HA! fall makes me think of cheerleading and football games, early morning soccer games, and being warm in my bed and not wanting to get out. fun times fun times
so i feel that God is doing a change in my life. not sure what it is but i feel it. for those of you who know me or have spent any amount of time with me, you know that i love children. spending time with them, taking them places, teaching them new things... pretty much anything to do with children i love. that passion is going away. i still love them don't get me wrong but i don't want to be around them all the time. i had a thought the other day... i am spending my 20's taking care of other people's children. not that i think it's a bad thing to take care of other children, but that's all i'm doing. i work until 6:30 and then go babysit after that. i spend little time with people my own age, and i am feeling that the Lord wants it to be different. this is such a weird place for me because they have been my life. it's just what i do. my sister-in-law made the comment when we were on vacation visiting other family that i'm a nanny wherever i go. it's so true. i'm drawn to the children and they are drawn to me. how does that happen? i go some where and i end up playing with the kids. it's inevitable. makes me laugh sometimes because i don't go looking for children to hang out with, they find me. my little cousins in Connecticut flock to me. like for instance, this summer, we were having a party for my cousin who was about to go into highschool. i wasn't hanging around with the cousins older than me, i was running around the yard with a water gun chasing my 5 yr old cousin squirting him until he was soaked. then i was holding a baby cousin and of course taking pictures, but the fact still remains that i was with the children. i had fun and since i don't see them often i find this to be ok. i also like having adult interaction and conversation. i'm not sure if any of this makes sense or if i am just rambling. this is my attempt to work through these feelings. i love children, always have and always will, but maybe they don't need to be my life...
my head is going crazy with these thoughts...
what do i do now?

tuesday

so here goes another attempt to be a blogger. maybe this time it will work. it's fun for me to think that somewhere out there someone is actually reading this, someone has a small amount of interest in what I am thinking or doing these days.

here lately i've been feeling like the Lord is calling me to be doing bigger things. Things much beyond what I believe I could be doing. i feel the Lord would have me pursue my photography passion. what that looks like, i have no idea, but i'm going with it. i love photography. being creative and capturing a priceless moment make my heart happy. i feel most alive when i am doing something that requires some sort of creative mind. being around people who are artsy makes me want to be like them. my friend Emily already thinks i'm a professional photographer! every time we are with a group of people and someone asks what i do she is the first to say "she's a professional photographer" and of course i laugh at this because i feel so far from that title it's not even funny. then she adds "well she's aspiring to be," love her!

life here in Charlotte is going well. i truly love this city and my friends. God has blessed me with a great church, bible study, and a Christian community. it's wonderful feeling that i am a part of something that is going to have a huge impact on Charlotte. my church has such a passion for seeing the people of Charlotte come back to the Lord. I'm so glad the Lord saw it fit for me to be a part of this.

ok well it's time for me to go. my dad is coming back from Ireland this evening and well since i've been driving his car around I need to have it cleaned for him. Thanks dad!

have an awesome day!